Sunday, 27 September 2015

Updates, Anxiety and Lack o' Mates

First off, sorry for being MIA for the last few weeks, I started back to college last week and in the run up to that I've been working myself to the bone to try save up as much money as I can seeing as I'll be back to part time hours when I'm in college.

I was working so much that I burned out and I managed to put my back out and pick up the flu, brilliant. So as you can imagine stress levels are through the roof right now which is probably not helping matters on the health side of things.

I guess in general this is an update post and given that I'm (probably overly) honest with this blog, a little bit of a vent.

Aside from being sick and over worked as of late, my stress and anxiety levels are like Everest high and growing bigger every day. Going back to college feels like such a huge deal and it's so very daunting. I'm 100% on my own. Sure, I have friends in the same college but they're all a few years ahead of me, I don't know anyone in my year let alone anyone doing my course. Billy no mates and hating every fucking minute.

Everyone keeps saying 'you're so friendly and outgoing, you'll make friends no bother!' but I'm so nervous and worried that I'm really not acting like my usual bubbly self and I'm just trying to get through the days without incident.

To be fair, lectures start tomorrow so I'll probably have more luck this week but as we all know; logic does nothing to help anxiety. In fact, logic just makes you feel stupid as well as anxious. I'm walking around the house wringing my hands and tugging on the ends of my hair, I cry more times a day than I care to admit. Even as I type, I can feel a lump in my throat.

I know that I'll be fine in a few months, I'll settle and I'll have made plenty of friends but no amount of logic is helping to dispel these anxious feelings in the pit of my stomach. Failure feels imminent and I'm suddenly not the brave person I thought I was. I'm terrified which is a big admittance for Little Miss I Got This over here.

My two saving graces have been my family and my friends. I've been whining and worrying for weeks so everyone has been giving me loads of advice and hugs. Having an incredibly strong support system has been incremental in resisting the urge to run for the hills or go into hibernation.

Anyways I think that's more than enough whinging for today, watch this space to see if I make any friends this week or if it all falls to shit (really praying for the former).

Please send any of your excess good vibes my way :*

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